We are of that new order of families whose Sunday routine consists of lazing around in our jammies, eating cereal, and watching movies about space travel. “Church” is just a picture in Max’s Little People book.
Yesterday morning (Easter Sunday), while we were visiting my mom at the ol’ homestead in Badger’s Quay, Max came downstairs exclaiming “Jesus was back alive!” After fighting the urge to tell him that Jesus was a zombie who slowly morphed into a bunny, my straight-up bedtime story had stuck. “Jesus died,” he recollected. “But when it became Easter day, he came alive again.” My good Christian mother was tickled pink.
My atom-splitting science teacher of a husband, however, just glared at me, his thick eyebrows twisting into tornadoes. What have you been teaching our son? “Don’t worry, honey,” I assured him. “I’m not getting all Jesusy on ya.”
I went to church on Easter Sunday with my mom and Max. One time too many, I suppose, for an outspoken skeptic or atheist or agnostic or whatever the hell I am. People were moving away from me in church to avoid the projectile splinters that would surely result from a pew-splitting bolt of lightning.
I was raised in the church. My father was an Anglican lay minister for 50 years. I sang in the choir for ten. I know all the words to several hymns. I even have a favourite –– The King of Love, My Shepherd Is. It still gives me chills. Possibly because I imagine the “shepherd” is Robert Downey Junior in a loincloth, but I digress. Now, do I think it’s all a bunch of biblical bunk? Yeah, mostly. I just can’t bring myself to go to church anymore; it’s all so silly. And I can’t seem to shake the fact that some of the world’s most gifted minds thought so too. Charles Darwin. Albert Einstein. Helen Keller. Ernest Hemingway. John Lennon. Jodie Foster. Maybe I’m like David Bowie – a self-described “reluctant atheist.” I want some kind of faith and hope to hold onto, but my mind just won’t let me believe.
But I’m not one of those hypocrites who expects to get married and buried in the church but never steps foot inside in-between. Let it be known: When I go tits-up, you can throw my ashes into the cavity of an old, broken typewriter.
But I haven’t completely forsaken church. Because I guess I’m still open to the possibilities. Refusing to go – never ever ever – would be like declaring I know something for certain, and that is neither true nor possible. The burden of proof is with you though, Jesus lovers. So forgive me for skipping church and watching E.T. with my family instead. I may not be wrapped in the arms of Jesus, but I’m wrapped in somebody’s arms and somebody’s wrapped in mine. This is what’s real to me. This is my heaven. Send me a Jesus memo when you find something.
But even though I’m not all Jesusy, it doesn’t mean Max can’t be. So I took him to church on Easter morning. As his mother, it’s on me to teach him how to be polite and share and wipe his arse, but it’s not my job to tell him what to believe. Especially when I don’t have the slightest clue myself. It’s my job to guide him, and show him some of the options – like the story of Jesus and Easter and Christmas and Satan (just kidding) – and then he can decide for himself.
Besides, I reckon there are worse things to be than Jesusy. As far as I know, Jesus was a kind, gentle, compassionate man who lived humbly and judged no one. If more so-called Christians acted more like that, maybe I wouldn’t have such a distaste for the whole thing.
Anyway, even though I’m not much of a believer myself, I tell my son about Jesus. So that one day, when he realizes it’s all a bunch of horse shit, it won’t be “because Mom told me so.” It’ll be “because that is what I think.”
On the other hand, if he decides it’s all true, I am open to be enlightened.
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Barn Cat
April 2, 2013 at 1:45 am (8 years ago)All I have to say is Robert Downey Junior is dreamy. And I concur on all the other shit 🙂 Barn Cat out.
Mother Blogger
April 2, 2013 at 3:11 pm (8 years ago)Meow.
Emily Layng
April 2, 2013 at 12:26 pm (8 years ago)I agree, I did the same with my kids. When they got a bit older, I bought the Tao of Pooh, a great book, i forget who wrote it though and Siddartha by Herman Hesse.
Mother Blogger
April 2, 2013 at 3:08 pm (8 years ago)I love the Tao of Pooh.
Julie
April 2, 2013 at 12:51 pm (8 years ago)Teaching the bible isn’t the important thing, teaching them to be open-minded is. Good job!
Mother Blogger
April 2, 2013 at 3:08 pm (8 years ago)Open-minded. Yes. Excellent.
Nigel
April 2, 2013 at 1:24 pm (8 years ago)Well said and well written. I especially liked the part about projectile splinters from the lightning-struck pews. Brilliant.
Mother Blogger
April 2, 2013 at 3:09 pm (8 years ago)The pews were so uncomfortable, I was praying for some lightning to get me the hell out of there. 😉
April Kennedy
April 2, 2013 at 6:30 pm (8 years ago)I am a church going mother who does believe in the Jesusy stuff you talk about. I wish more people would simple the follow rules that Jesus applied..Treat others as we want to be treated! I think if we can teach our kids to be kind, caring, happy individuals, we will have a much better world! Love your opinions and your blog…keep them coming!!!
Mother Blogger
April 5, 2013 at 4:53 pm (8 years ago)I love love love that you are one of the “Jesusy” ones, and yet you STILL appreciate my opinions on it. When we meet one day, let’s hug.
Theodoric
April 2, 2013 at 6:45 pm (8 years ago)I’m a Newfoundlander directed here by another Newfoundlander who put you forward as the exemplifier of crazy.
Yes, I’m Catholic and Jesusy, but I don’t think you’re Satan incarnate. I respect that you allow your child to make up his own mind. I even kinda like your writing style, though I feel your “here’s what I think even if it offends” attitude wouldn’t be expressed as freely if addressed toward Islam, Hinduism or Native American culture. I could be wrong, though.
Jesus was a kind, gentle, compassionate man who lived humbly. In fact, he would never have spoken as laissez faire about another religion as you do. But it’s good that you purport respect for those virtues.
I also wanted to clarify that that Jesus was not the always-lovable & sweet fella who judges no one that you imagine he is. I’m sure your father must have told you that Jesus overturned the money tables, was constantly getting in ruckuses with the Scribes and annoyed people enough that they killed him. Finally, while you may respect Jesus for being a good guy, I hope that you consider that he never claimed to be merely a good guy, but God.
I hope that your son receives all the good-guy values that you wish for him to possess. Happy Easter!
Mother Blogger
April 5, 2013 at 5:12 pm (8 years ago)You are a fountain of Jesus knowledge! Thanks…
Sam
April 2, 2013 at 11:27 pm (8 years ago)Don’t believe in human idols like Jesus. Believe in God. THE CREATOR of everything.
Mother Blogger
April 8, 2013 at 12:45 am (8 years ago)Nah.
Lesleyanne Ryan
April 3, 2013 at 12:49 pm (8 years ago)“People were moving away from me in church to avoid the projectile splinters that would surely result from a pew-splitting bolt of lightning.”
LOLOL! Good stuff. 🙂
Mother Blogger
April 3, 2013 at 5:44 pm (8 years ago)Thanks! And eek… is this THE Lesleyanne Ryan? Whose book is on my nightstand but I haven’t opened it yet. (Don’t hate me. Blame Chad Pelley.)
Hammie
April 4, 2013 at 9:27 pm (8 years ago)Ah motherblogger, I am amazed at the faith you have in Christians though not in Christianity. Why else would you, living and raising your child in a small community in a province and country of predominantly Christian people feel safe and secure in referring to their Christian beliefs as “poppycock” and “horse shit”, and referring to Jesus as a “mothafucka” on your FB page and have no fear of being dragged into the streets and flogged as Jesus was.
I guess He taught His people well, and His only prayer was “Father forgive them, for they know not what they do”. I wonder what kind of uprising your blog would have caused if it were aimed at any of the non Christian religions in the middle eastern countries and what would happen to you and your family if you lived in their midst. Thank God you are safe in your Christian country. I find this blog and the previous one is very offensive and I asked myself what would Jesus do? He picked up His Cross and walked silently to His Crucifixion and His Resurrection to teach His people to Love and respect others and their beliefs. I know another Christian who walked silently and peacefully to his death by cancer,without a single complaint. Sad that such great God given journalistic talent has stooped so low for the sake of ?
You are in my prayers!!
Mother Blogger
April 5, 2013 at 4:49 pm (8 years ago)You bring up a couple really good points.
1. We don’t live in the Middle East and thank goodness. It’s a free country. We can all believe what we want, question what we want, write about things however we want. Oh, here’s a good idea: you should start a Christian blog. Believe it or not, I would read it.
2. I am seeking the truth in my own way, with my own voice. I am who I am, sista. You’ve reached absolute certainty about it all and that is great for you, but I am still searching. And I think I will always be searching, and that is perfectly okay. So let me do my thing and I’ll let you do yours.
3. So many people live in fear. Fear of death. Fear that there is nothing after death. Fear of not believing in something. Fear of not following the crowd. Fear of letting their parents down. I won’t be scared or bullied into believing something just because everyone else does. (And btw, not everyone else does. They just don’t talk about it.)
4. One of the most important things I want for my son is for him to be open-minded. To religion, to sexuality, etc. Did you give your children that choice? If you compare my blog post to your comment on it, it is quite clear which one of us is the open-minded one.
Would my dad be disappointed by my skeptic ramblings? Probably. But get this:
Open-mindedness. Fearlessly speaking my mind. A yearning for the truth and the meaning of life. And some mad writing skillz… ALL THINGS I LEARNED FROM MY FATHER.
If you’re praying for me, you’ll be on your knees a long, long time. Wear knee pads.
Barbara Colbourne
April 13, 2013 at 2:43 am (8 years ago)Well said, mother Blogger, there are those such as Hammie, whose minds will remain forever closed.
Hammie
April 6, 2013 at 3:55 am (8 years ago)Thanks for your reply. I have no problem with how or what you believe
just the foul way you used to describe my beliefs and my God. It’s plain to see that it is not necessary. You managed to write all of the above reply without one foul word. Thanks for not making it a second insult.
Mother Blogger
April 7, 2013 at 12:15 am (8 years ago)I reread my post and the only word I might reconsider and change is “horse shit.” That was over the top and unnecessary. You were probably offended by the Jesus t-shirts too, but the whole point of that article was to point out how materialistic Easter has become. It is not about Jesus. It is about candy. People don’t even stop to think what they are doing. I think God would have approved of that one, if he has a sense of humour.
As you know, I speak quite candidly about everything under the sun. I try not to stray from that, even when talking about religion. If I did, it would be because I am afraid, and I am not. What can I say? You can blame God for giving me this foul mouth.
No hard feelings. I did not mean to offend. Just provoke. That’s what bloggers do.
Hammie
April 6, 2013 at 4:12 am (8 years ago)BTW there is a Christian Blog–It’s been around for over 2000 years. It’s called The New Testament and can be found by googling “Bible” .God Bless!
Mother Blogger
April 7, 2013 at 12:16 am (8 years ago)2000 years old… That’s not quite new enough for me.
Rev.Johnny
April 25, 2013 at 3:56 pm (8 years ago)Well written. Part of the spiritual disconnection we see today is the overall malaise of the Church, and the inability (or lack of desire) to face the honest questions this generation has today. When it comes to believing, I have met many who reached a point where they struggle with immature and simplistic teaching about God, fate, and suffering. As you know I never told my kids what to believe either, and I am a priest. I want them to own their faith.
Since coming through the Cancer Battle, I have worked really hard to reconcile with the Invisible,Unexplainable God. Worked for me… I have a story bout it. If I started telling you about it now though…I would be preaching. Ahh for a simple few days at Mint Brook with the Old Crowd!….
Mother Blogger
April 27, 2013 at 12:20 am (8 years ago)As skeptical as I am, those days at Mint Brook Camp were some of the best days of my life. Thank you for this unpreachy comment. Almost makes me want to go to church. xo