Turbo Ginger. Savage Patch Kid. Demon child. Beelzebub Boy. My little prince (of darkness).
Not everyone’s a fan of the monikers I’ve given my fiery-haired toddler. (I got your emails. Thank you?)
I get it. Bad mommy.
My mother even hates it when I call Max a “little devil.” Needless to say, she was not a fan of this Halloween costume:
What — he’s a helluva kid! Sheesh.
But I guess I understand the skepticism. I mean, how can a child this cherubic wreak so much havoc? It’s just not possible.
I’ll have you know – this ice cream cone was stolen.
Okay I confess, I’m a chronic exaggerator. I take moments of chaos and embellish the excrement out of them, omitting all the sweet moments in between. Moments when he is an absolute angel.
So, due to popular demand (from bat-shit crazy people) I now give you the gentler side of Turbo Ginger, in 6 snapshots. Max Murphy: Munchkin. Philanthropist. Humanitarian.
1. A champion of quadriplegics everywhere, Max cuddles up in his favourite blanket to watch TV. Nothing like watching Treehouse as a human stump. The light through the window isn’t sunlight, by the way; it’s Jesus giving Burrito Boy two thumbs way up.
2. A friend to all animals and woodland creatures, Max is especially kind to his bearded sister.
3. Ever respectful of the earth, he gently collects its fruits in nanny’s plastic measuring cup and devours them on the way back to the car.
4. He may be a joker, smoker and midnight toker. But he is also a gangster of love – kissing and hugging with ginger fervour.
5. I caught him with a knife once, but he’s no butcher. He’s a baker! And an advocate for old lady perms everywhere.6. He’s ambitious but humble, destined for a desk job. Ain’t nuthin’ wrong with a little middle management. Motto: Popsicles now, cubicles later.
See – nobody wants another mommy blog about how cute her kid is. So all you buttmunches out there telling me I should have my uterus removed with a pitchfork, this blog’s not for you. It’s for the funny-boned folk out there who can appreciate photos like this one.
Behold, my little angel…
You’re welcome. And I win.